You may want to sit down for this
It’s very seldom I blog personal things… I just very seriously doubt the “me” factor will be a great thing for evoke at times. But I want to show you more… I probably shouldn’t start with my melancholic side. But geez… do you ever just have times in your life that… just don’t mesh. For months I’ve been struggling and I just can’t rise above this funk. I’m enjoying my business, but my personal life has been set to the side for quite a while in attempts to raise two children and build a business… and I’m just lost. I believe in the Lord, but being a Christian and behaving like one is such a fierce battle for me. I can’t get my inside to match the outside. I just feel out of focus. I don’t know who’s reading this and I don’t know what you believe - but I know there’s a God in heaven and He knows I’m struggling. And I know my knees are where I need to be, because there’s only grace there. That seems so clear, and yet I stand all day.
It’s early for a New Year’s resolution, but I can’t stand another week like this. Like me. It’s time for a change, right?!
Comments
oh, goodness, do i ever? in fact, this fall has seemed to be drenched in a bad case of the downers. what do you do? i feel like i’m constanly waiting for something to change, as it sounds like you are, as well. i’d love to say something delightfully reassuring that could serve as an epiphany for you to break through this haze, but i’m learning that sometimes the less-than-mediocre season is just that: a season. my hope is that you and i, and others on the same ship, find some source of healthy comfort that gives us purpose and conviction.
-ash
By Ashley Sue on Dec 11, 2008
i’m sorry… much for a stranger’s blog? ; )
By Ashley Sue on Dec 11, 2008
haha.. no - that is just perfect for a stranger’s blog
. I appreciate knowing that I’m not alone & regret more than one is suffering from the “haze” at the same time. As soon as I posted this, I visited a fellow photographer’s blog http://kellymoorephotography.com/mooreblog/ & at the bottom I found a post that brought me to tears. I really don’t cry, but it’s wild I didn’t need to hear from anyone. I just need to face something.
By April Sirit on Dec 11, 2008
If you can’t find it, here’s what she wrote:
“As you can tell, I was going through a lot at the time. I didn’t even realize at the time that I had any problems. I’m so thankful that God chose to lift the fog in my mind and draw me to himself. I’m praying today that any of you who might be going through the same things might find comfort in knowing God can fix things. He will fix things.
May he equip you with all you need for doing his will. May he produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ EVERY good thing that is pleasing to him.
Hebrews 13:21”
Self Portrait by Kelly Moore
By April Sirit on Dec 11, 2008
wow. well there ya go.
By Ashley Sue on Dec 11, 2008
I know exactly what you mean. You and Ashley definitely aren’t alone. I’m praying for the same type of comfort and strength and just for the fog to clear and clear quickly. So, I’ll pray for those things for you too.
By Jessica on Dec 11, 2008
I, too, can relate to what you are saying. I have just gone through a season that has been so strange for me. Where I once felt purposeful and passionate, I have started to feel like I’m just going through the motions. I remember when I was a girl, I often heard my Dad (who was also my pastor) say, “If you are feeling distant from God, you can be sure that it wasn’t God who moved.” So, I know it’s me. That makes me even more thankful that God understands. I find comfort in reading the Psalms and realizing that the writers of the Psalms often felt out of sync and far from God, and they weren’t embarrassed to admit it! So, like the psalmists, I will fix my hope on the unmoveable God and declare, “Yet I will praise Him!” and begin to act the way I want to feel instead of waiting until I feel the way I want to act. I don’t know if that makes sense??
By Cindi on Dec 11, 2008
Jessica - poo!!! Well.. I hope you can find comfort in similar ways I am finding it - verses that are appearing that I’m not necessarily looking for.
Cindi - That makes complete sense. I know what I need to do.. I know. I’m just waiting until I crumble to my knees rather than quickly dropping. It a big struggle that I’ve been losing, but it’s so stupid because I know how to overcome it. It’s like me sitting on the couch with a carton of Goodberry’s & wondering why I can’t lose weight.
By April Sirit on Dec 11, 2008
I LOVE the Goodberry’s analogy!
By Cindi on Dec 11, 2008
I love you, and God loves you, regardless. Sometimes if Satan can’t make you sin, he’ll make you either busy or “lost”. I have been there this semester. I go to church and sing worship, but I haven’t read my Bible or prayed on a continual basis, and I feel the loss. I know how to fix it, but for some reason I can’t bring myself to break the busy schedule and take time for God. Wow, how bad does that sound? But I am going to pray, every day, for you for the next week. If there’s anything else I can do, just let me know!
By Bethany on Dec 11, 2008
April I pray for your peaceful acceptance of where you are.
By Ken on Dec 12, 2008
Just wanted to drop a line and say I can totally relate, well in my own way, to where you’re coming from. Don’t lose heart, God WILL bring to completion what he began in you.
By Christina on Dec 13, 2008
April, you are such an incredible person. Most of the time it is hard to know when someone so bright and cheerful as yourself is going through something not so bright and cheerful. I too struggle with some of the same issues you have listed. I particularly loved how you said, “And I know my knees are where I need to be, because there’s only grace there. That seems so clear, and yet I stand all day.” I couldn’t have said that any better about myself. I’ll pray you have the strength to kneel. You aren’t alone in feeling out of sync. I love you, I pray you will find true joy and clarity this next year:-)
By becca on Dec 13, 2008
ps. I would just like to know who checks your blog standing up? ha.
By becca on Dec 13, 2008
You are a strong, positive person and you will make it through this time. These are the moments in life that make us stronger and also strengthen our faith. Our faith in God and our faith that our family and friends will always support us. I’ll be thinking about you and praying for you.
By Stacey on Dec 15, 2008
May a warm Son burn the fog from your heart and mind.
By Friend of a Friend on Dec 15, 2008
God loves you!
By Rosie on Dec 16, 2008
By the way - that smilie looks a little like it’s being sarcastic, but it’s not meant to be!! We all have hard times, but God really does love you and everything will be worked out for good in the end. God Himself promises that in His word:
Romans 8:28 (New International Version)
More Than Conquerors
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
So I’d encourage you to reflect on this and be heartened! He is near you and He will give you strength.
Lots of love! xx
By Rosie on Dec 16, 2008
I REALLY REALLY appreciate everyone’s words of encouragement. I can definitely feel prayers in my life. And it’s been very humbling to see such a sincere concern from others. Thanks
By April Sirit on Dec 19, 2008